Frank Gurbleck joined The Umpteenth Times writing staff directly after serving a seven-year prison sentence for attempting to smuggle contraband into the country. Gurbleck, to this day, insists he did not know that monkeys were considered contraband, otherwise he never would’ve jammed three of them into his suitcase on his trip back from Africa....
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Like the previously introduced Carl Kuckle, Barry Blain has been a contributer to The Umpteenth Times since it first hit the world wide web. Unlike Carl, however, Barry lives a very regimented lifestyle, which includes six hours of yoga a day and two hours of meditation. The remainder of his day is spent writing,...
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Carl Kuckle has been with The Umpteenth Times since Day One. In fact, after much debate over what to name the site, Carl finally threw his cigar in the trash can (still lit), stood up on the table in front of his co-workers and screamed, “Listen, dummies! I didn’t leave Hustler magazine to work...
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LOS ANGELES–“I’m very disappointed,” said a clearly upset Newsom. “I mean, come on! The harp? The triple-album? Songs about bears? My clothes? And these idiots came up with nothing to mock me? Am I not worthy of satire?” “Lord knows we tried,” responded Associate Deputy Editor-in-Chief, Graham McOliver. “We spent a week in brainstorming...
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NASHVILLE—According to an investigative report by The Umpteenth Times’ Barry Blain, the indie-rock band, Kings of Leon, who have been traveling the world under the guise of “kings,” are apparently only princes, or more specifically “princes of poppycock.” “I did some serious research into this,” Blain said at a press conference early this morning....
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AUSTIN–On Thursday July 9, 2009, reporter for the Umpteenth Times, Barry Blain, wrote an article addressing the aging of folk-rock artist, Neil Young. After a phone call from an anonymous source, some investigation into the legitimacy of the story revealed that it was actually Paul Simon that was discovered to be growing old, not...
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