Eddie Vedder Inspires Yet Another Generation of Jackass Singers
STOCKTON, CA-According to a study addressing an over fifteen year trend of the worst vocalists in the history of rock ‘n’ roll, Pearl Jam vocalist, Eddie Vedder, seems to be the original source of that trend, as well as the continuing reason the trend has yet to waver over the years. Apparently, he not only inspired vocalists in the Nineties to sing with a low shakey voice that comes off as ridiculous and pretentious but has influenced Twenty-First Century crooners to sing just as stupidly as their predecessors.
“He seems to be the main source of the virus,” said Daniel McMahon, Professor of Musicology at the University of the Pacific. “Following the success of Pearl Jam back in the Nineties, there was an onslaught of corporate rock singers that were sounding exactly like him. He was easily the most influential singer of that decade. And not surprisingly, since he himself has failed to go away, the singers of the last nine years, as well as the ones that are just hitting the stage now, are pulling the same jackass antics he has made famous since he first arrived on the scene.”
A list of the singers influenced by Vedder has yet to be released but McMahon says if one was to turn on any corporate rock radio station, chances are one of those singers would already be in the porcess of corrupting the airwaves.
“This is a serious situation in regards to our social and psychological health,” McMahon continued. “One of the main reasons our cultural contributions as a nation has been at an all time low is due to the fact that Eddie Vedder’s influence has changed things for the worse and it’s been almost impossible to send this trend in the opposite direction. If it’s going to be stopped, we must study past diseases that had once infected societies and how they were finally able to be controlled.”
In response, Vedder’s manager, Raymond Fassbinder, released a statement saying, “Eddie is not affected by what the University of the Pacific has found. He plans to continue singing until he is old and he is unable to do what he feels he does best. If there are people out there that are sickened to death by him and how he projects himself, the best he can do is advise them to never listen to the radio again because it doesn’t seem as if he is going away any time soon.”
McMahon and the rest of the staff that helped conduct the study find this warning disturbing and are currently discussing plans to concuct a sereem that will prevent future vocalists from enjoying “the annoyingly obnoxious tone of Vedder’s voice,” as well as prevent them from the craving to hit the stage and sing just like him.
“It’s going to take long hours in the lab,” McMahon said, with beads of sweat dripping down his face. “But I feel I owe it to my children, as well as my children’s children. Somehow, most of the singers that we find unbearable eventually retire and disappear from the limelight. Why this one character has chosen to pour salt into the wound is beyond me. But that’s what we plan to find out and hopefully remedy.”
Vedder himself was not reached for comment.
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I think who ever came up with this crap should crawl back into that shithole he came out from.
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Nice.
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This is so stupid. If this was written by a student, that student should fail. Really… retarded commentary with poor unjustified research. Slanderous dribble.
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Surely this is a joke.REAl bad taste.Eddie Vedder is up there with the best of all time..
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how can one even begin to take an article seriously if the name of the person in question is MISSPELLED in the headline?!!?
that is, aside from the fact that the rest of it is utter bullcrap.
somehow this McMahon guy sounds like a member of the West Baptist Church. “a virus”???? give me a break.
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I guess you either love or hate Eddie Vedder’s voice, I love it. Doesn’t mean I can’t laugh at a joke but there’s nothing clever or funny about this article. It is true that Eddie Vedder has influenced a bunch of bad singers but hey, Robert De Niro has influenced a bunch of bad actors yet he’s still brilliant.
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Eddie Vedder now a virus. The guy is obviously a republican. Conduct an experiment on how Eddie Vedder ‘has changed things for the worse’? Really?
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In the seventies, critics HATED Led Zeppelin. These snotty so-called members of intelligentsia are just people and have no more real authority on quality than anyone else. As they say, if you cant make it in the real world, work for a university.
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P.S. According to generation zzz, political stance is motivation to trash talent levels and to be to be a judgmental prick. Maybe so butthis is about music.
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This is a bunch of crap! There is no Daniel McMahon professor of musicology at University of the Pacific (do your research folks). The ass that made up this piece of shit story needs to apologize to University of the Pacific and Eddie Vedder. If you don’t have balls enough to write a story and use your own name, don’t pull in a lame as movie character name and associate it with a respectable University.
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Hello;
I work for University of the Pacific as the Media Relations Manager and I can assure you that this is a fake article. We have no faculty or staff member in the Conservatory by the name of Daniel McMahon or anything close to that name. This study does not exist and this whole piece seems to be written just to stir up controversy where none exists.
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If you would look at the top of this page, the word “FAKE” appears in the header. That was done for a reason, so people would understand the concept behind this website. Nothing stated on this site is true. Again, that is why the word “FAKE” appears in the header, so there is never any doubt about what is printed. You would think people who work and attend a respectable university like the University of the Pacific would be able to figure something like this out for themselves.
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So hostile. Why don’t you take a pill and relax? I thought people from California were supposed to be, like, mellow and stuff.
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Unfortunately, I went to University of the Pacific for graduate school. It’s far from a respected university and I’m not surprised that the faculty and/or students cannot decipher between real and fake. This article is brilliant, keep it up!
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Please Stop…You’re hurting Eddie when you keep on saying that he sings like a masturbating penis.
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He”s been hurting us culturally for years.
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This Eddie Vedder sonofabitch probably believes that he shits gold and that they even smell like a bed of roses when in reality, his shit smells much worst than the rest of the population due to the fact that he takes in all sorts of booze, drugs and trash in his body. Trash in, trashy voice out. This midget should kill himself or should get asassinated.
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I agree. This scum shouldn’t have entered the music scene in the first place. He’s just too trying hard to be artistic, it’s sad. He truly represents the tragedy of mediocrity in modern mtv/internet culture.
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This cunt face not only inspired mediocrity but most probably led a lot of women into making decisions they’ll regret — like having an abortion for instance. How many lives has he destroyed by overexposing himself? This immoral bastard should stop existing and go to hell where he belongs. Fuck this pretentious bastard. Fuck you Eddie Vedder.
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He’s some sort of cultural tumor that turned malignant.
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He’s a heinous dwarfed faggot who supports pedophiles and murderers.
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