LINCOLN, NEBRASKA–Yesterday, it was discovered that Ringo Starr, drummer for the most popular band the world has ever known, The Beatles, actually moderates and is in charge of the content on the Beatles’ Myspace page.

This revelation was discovered when thirteen-year-old Nebraskan, Fran Jensen, sent an email to the Beatles, concerning a t-shirt she purchased at a local mall that ripped at the neck days after the purchase.  Surprisingly, she then received a message back from Starr himself on the Myspace site.  Starr was infuriated by the shoddy material used to make the t-shirt and promised Jensen he would personally ensure she received a quality t-shirt with the Bealtes logo on it.  It was after the matter was settled that the two began a communication in which Starr revealed to Jensen that he has been addicted to Myspace for a couple of years and took it upon himself to moderate the Beatles’ site.

“He was, like, totally cool,” said Jensen.  ”He would either end his sentences with smiley faces or, like when I told him about the t-shirt, he ended it with a frowning face.  I didn’t know old people knew how to do those kind of things.  I guess because he was in the Beatles, he’ll always know what’s cool and what kids like.”

Surprised by their daughter’s new-found friend, Jensen’s parents encouraged her to continue her correspondence, prompting her to ask him how much time he spends on Myspace.

“At first we were a little unsure, ” said Grace Jensen, Fran’s mother.  ”You never know about Myspace.  It could’ve been a pervert pretending to be Ringo.  Or, Ringo could’ve actually been a pervert looking to pick up thirteen-year-old girls.  But after Frannie showed me the email and how hurt he was about t-shirt, we could sense that his sentiments were genuine and we allowed her to continue messaging him.  It was Jim, my husband, that told Frannie to find out what he was doing on Myspace.”

Jim Jensen continues, “I was just so surprised that a celebrity like Ringo Starr would waste his time on a site like Myspace.  I would think he would have better things to do.  I mean, he’s a millionaire after all.  Isn’t he interested in going out and spending a little dough?”

Though Starr wasn’t reached for comment, a spokesman for him told this reporter that it was true that Starr was ultimately in charge of every piece of content on the Beatles’ Myspace page.  Apparently, he takes things like that very seriously and wants to ensure that the Beatles are properly represented.

Unlike Starr, bassist and vocalist  Paul McCarthy was reached fro comment and had more than a few things to say in regards to the time his former bandmate spends on Myspace.

“First of all, it used to be George that was in charge of all the  internet social networks.  He was a genius with a computer.  It wasn’t until his passing that Ringo took over the duties.  And I’m not saying he’s doing a poor job.  He’s not.  The thing is, who goes on Myspace anymore?  Isn’t that already a thing of the past?  If I’ve told him once, I’ve told him time and time again.  Facebook is where we should be right now.  That is the now.  Facebook.”

Still, Fran Jensen of Nebraska seems pleased.  She’s looking forward to the t-shirt that Starr promised to send her.  She also can’t wait until next time she goes online.  She has so much to share with the Beatles’ drummer.

“Oh my god!” Jensen exclaimed.  ”First of all, I can’t wait to tell him what happened between Dana Withers and Josh Richman.  They were, like, totally going out but then Dana caught Josh holding hands with Mary Nelson.  Dana was furious and pulled Mary by the hair.  It got pretty ugly but we all couldn’t turn away.  It was so exciting.  Ringo’s gonna ‘LOL’ like crazy when I tell him!”

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Tags: Facebook, George Harrison, internet, Myspace, Nebraska, Paul McCartney, RIngoStarr, The Beatles