Musicologists Discover Leonard Berenstain Wrote Mostly in the Mxyzptlkian Mode
NEW YORK—After several years of research, musicologists from New York University have recently asserted their claim that famous twentieth-century composer and popular animated figure in the Berenstain Bears children’s books series, Leonard Berenstain, almost wrote exclusively in the Mxyzptlkian Mode, a musical mode that uses a scale created by Superman arch-nemesis, Mr. Mxyzptlk. According to Fran Dencildink, one of the researchers involved in the study, what makes the Mxyzptlk Mode so unique is that when a song is written in it, whoever is actually playing the music will ultimately disappear into the Fifth Dimension, the same effect that would happen whenever Mr. Mxyzptlk would say his own name backwards.
“This discovery has answered many questions in regards to the disappearance of a number of musicians that had played with Loenard Berenstain over the years,” said Dencildink. “For so long, concertgoers assumed their vanishing act was just an allusion created for effect, to enhance their concert-going experience. After all, Berenstain was not one who opposed to the spectacular. Now, however, we know that it is was the music that was causing their disappearance and for all we know, if they haven’t already passed away, they still may very well be stuck in the Fifth Dimension.”
Family members of the musicians expressed outrage when first learning of their relatives’ whereabouts.
“I just assumed my Harry had met some dumb blonde and didn’t want to come home anymore, so he faked his disappearance and was living somewhere in the Canary Islands,” said Joanna Nussberger, wife of cellist Harry Nussberger, a once prominent musician in Berenstain’s social circle. “Now I realize it was Berenstain’s music that sent him to the Fifth Dimension. The question now is, how do I get him back?”
Unfortunately for Mrs. Nussberger, as well as other family members related to musicians who had disappeared, Leonard Berenstain had passed away in 1989, after suffering a massive heart attack on the steps of Lincoln Center. The researchers in the study, however, have suggested that Superman may help solve this puzzle, since he has been able to successfully outwit Mr. Mxyzptlk in the past.
When reached for comment, Superman told this reporter that when he would send Mr. Mxyzptlk back home to the Fifth Dimension, it was usually only for a 90-day period.
“I’m not sure why those musicians never returned,” said the defender of truth, justice and the American way. “They should’ve come back after 90 days. Mxyzptlk always did. I don’t know. Maybe Mrs. Nussberger’s Harry is on the Canary Island with some dumb blonde, never wanting to return home. Do we know what Mrs. Nussberger is like? Is she a pain in the ass? If she’s a pain in the ass then I’ll bet my nutsack Harry’s sitting on a beach somewhere, drinking some fancy umbrella cocktail and living it up, sans nagging wife.”
Editor’s Note: At presstime, this story was submitted for publication. It’s author has since ventured to the Canary Islands where he hopes to find Harry Nussberger in order to get an exclusive interview.
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