Meet the Writers!!! Today’s Profile: Barry Blain
Like the previously introduced Carl Kuckle, Barry Blain has been a contributer to The Umpteenth Times since it first hit the world wide web. Unlike Carl, however, Barry lives a very regimented lifestyle, which includes six hours of yoga a day and two hours of meditation. The remainder of his day is spent writing, as well as eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner at 7, 8, and 9 p.m. respectively. He rarely socializes and has only been to The Umpteenth Times Building in Austin, Texas once. He communicates with his editors mostly by email, as well as the occasional smoke signal that rarely transmits properly, which shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone considering he lives in Northern, California.
Besides yoga and meditation, Barry also enjoys the martial arts and has already killed three men during his first year of taking karate lessons. For enjoyment, before crashing on the floor each night, where he chooses to sleep for religious reasons, Barry enjoys an ice cold Zima, which he drinks on the back deck of the log cabin he built himself several years ago.
Before joining the Umpteenth Times staff, Barry wrote stories for the short-lived Marvel Comic comic book, She-Captain America. He then wrote stories for The Reader’s Digest, as well as Martha Stewart Living. During his time working with Ms. Stewart, he met Umpteenth Times editor, Kevin Egan, at a pie-baking contest of all places. The two hit it off almost instantly and Egan was able to lure Blain away from Martha Stewart, so he could enjoy a full-time position as a writer for The Umpteenth Times.
Blain is currently working on his memoirs, I Could’ve Been Somebody, I Could’ve Been a Contender. An excerpt is available to read below:
It wasn’t him, Matha, it was you. Remember that night in the Garden you came down to my dressing room and you said, “Kid, this ain’t your night. We’re going for the price on Oprah.” You remember that? “This ain’t your night”! My night! I coulda taken Oprah apart! So what happens? She gets the title shot outdoors on the ballpark and what do I get? A one-way ticket to Palooka-ville! You was my sister, Martha, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn’t have to take them dives for the short-end money.
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