Gwar Commissioned by Baby Einstein for “Jack and Jill” Rock Opera
ANAHEIM, CA–According to Baby Einstein founder, Julie Clarke, whose colorful videos feature the likes of masters such as Beethoven, Mozart, and Tchaikovsky, the company has commissioned the most unlikely musicians to transpose the children’s nursery rhyme, “Jack and Jill,” into a rock opera. That uncanny band of musicians hired for the project is none other than the infamous and outrageous group, Gwar.
“We’ve always been interested in the classics at Baby Einstein,” says company founder Julie Clarke. “Really, what is more classic than ‘Jack and Jill.’ And to be honest, I’ve been a Gwar freak ever since I saw them in downtown Manhattan almost twenty years ago. I was drench in fake blood by the show’s end and that experience stayed with me ever since. I wish all parent’s could one day share those kind of moments with their children. That’s what this project will hopefully do.”
When reached for comment, members of Gwar expressed little excitement, though they have agreed to a deal with Baby Einstein.
“This wasn’t my idea,” said vocalist, Oderus Ungurus. “This sounds more like one of Beefcake the Mighty’s ideas. Even I know our music isn’t appropriate for babies. I’ve never allowed my kids to listen to our recordings. No f**kin’ way am I explaining what This Toilet Earth is about to a seven-year-old.”
The Walt Disney Company, who are still in the process of digesting Baby Einstein, were
intrigued by this new direction and “are considering having the band out to Magic Kingdom for some performances,” said Disney representative, Fran Dresczeck. “You know, for parades, corporate picnics and whatnots, that sort of thing.”
Gwar’s current label, Metal Blade Records, are trying to block the deal, insisting the label already has an existing contrac with Six Flags, limiting their artists to events at their theme parks. Tanner Lubbock, Licensing Representative for Metal Blade boldly stated, “The Mouse just better back the f** up. If anything Gwar is performing in front of The Batman Ride at Great Adventure in New Jersey, with Bugs Bunny and Foghorn Leghorn moshing their tits off in the pit by the cotton candy machine. We’ll be damned if we’re going to let them disgrace the label by performing at the Magic Kingdom. We’ll be damned to hell.”
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