Adam Lambert Kisses Family Dog, Banned from Attending Grandma’s Birthday Party
SAN DIEGO—During a visit to his grandmother’s home, a day before her birthday was to be celebrated, pop sensation, Adam Lambert, kissed the family dog, Jasper, affectionately after Jasper jumped on his lap to say “hello.” Shocked by what they saw, Lambert’s family scorned the young performer for his behavior, insisting that he not only apologize to everyone but he leave his grandmother’s home for good.
“It’s one thing to act like a crazy person on camera,” said his cousin, Bobby Valli. “It’s another thing to make an ass out of yourself in front of your entire family. That’s something we take very seriously and won’t abide in any of our homes, especially Grandma’s!”
Feeling jilted, Lambert left his grandmother’s home and spent the rest of the day walking the sandy beaches San Diego is famous for. There he met several homeless gentlemen that he befriended and invited back to his lavish home in Los Angeles, where he insisted they stay for an indefinite period of time.
“This is great,” said Sam “Scruffy” McGilicutty. “I haven’t taken a shower in over a year. It was like being born all over again.”
McGilicutty’s longtime associate, Carl “Filthy” Franklin, echoed his excitement about their new resting place, citing Lambert’s DVD collection as his favorite thing in the house.
“He’s got everything! The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, All Six Star Wars movies, and not to mention an endless amount of gay porn. It’s going to be tough to leave this place. I already feel like it’s my new home.”
Meanwhile, Lambert has been making one last effort to reach his family, most importantly his grandmother, who he’d like to wish a happy birthday. According to Lambert, his father answers every time he calls and continuously tells him he has been disowned and Jasper, the dog, has been put to sleep.
When reached for comment, Mr. Lambert, Adam’s father, stated that he felt it necessary to put the dog to sleep, citing his questionable behavior earlier in the week.
“We can’t have a dog like that in our family,” he said angrily. “What would the neighbors think? Or the people we play bridge with? We have a reputation to uphold. Every time I looked at that dog, I couldn’t get out of my mind what a pervert he is. He and Adam are two stains that will take this family a lifetime to forget.”
Lambert insists he will continue to gain access to his grandmother. Speaking into a camera during an interview with Entertainment Tonight, he said, “I wove you, Gwanny Wambert. I wish you a vewy happy birfday. This is your widdle Adam speaking. I wove you, Gwanny. I wove you.”
Witnessing this uncensored display of affection, McGilicutty and Franklin simply looked at each other and rolled their eyes, exclaiming, “Oh, Jesus!”
People who looked at this item also looked at…
Related items
loading...
