Blind Man Gains Sight, Didn’t Know Black Sabbath Were White
DANBURY, CT—This past Tuesday, Barry Hundleman, 43, who had lost his sight as a young child, finally regained the ability to see after a successful operation at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Danbury, Connecticut. Hundleman’s first request, after looking into the faces of friends and relatives, was to watch a Black Sabbath DVD he’s had in his possession for over five years, to see a performance he could only listen to previously. Surprised by what he saw, he admitted to close friends that ever since he was a teenager and first began listening to the band, he always assumed they were black. It was a shocking development for Hundleman to discover they were as “white as Ted Danson,” as one friend put it.
“Their riffs are very bluesy,” said Hundleman to a group of reporters. “Being blind, I thought perhaps they were a bunch of old blind, black bluesmen, who just liked to crank up their amps louder than other blues players. When I saw they were just a bunch of white guys, I couldn’t believe it. These guys are playing that music? I thought. It was a little freaky.”
According to Hundleman, he was mostly surprised by Ozzy Osbourne’s appearance. He said he had a completely different person in my mind, instead of the “disheveled mess of a man” that appeared on the DVD.
“I pictured Ozzy as a tall, thin, healthy African-American. To be honest, from what I saw on that DVD, all I can say is ‘he looks like shit.’ It’s no wonder their lyrics are so depressing. I’d be miserable too if I looked like that.”
Hundleman has also said the music is what is ultimately most important to him, so he plans on continuing listening to Black Sabbath, despite the fact they don’t look anything like he had hoped. He did, however, state it would’ve be nice of his friends to clue him in on his embarrassing mistake.
“I feel like a jerk. I’ve been to five Black Sabbath concerts in my life and not once had Vic, Freddy, Hal or Randy said anything to me about the band being white. My only hope is they were doing it out of loyalty, rather than looking for an excuse to laugh at me behind my back.”
Hundleman’s friend, Randy Folemean, insists they were sparing his feelings and they would have never done anything to make Hundleman look like a fool.
“We just didn’t want Barry to feel foolish,” said Folemean. “We figured it’d be best not to say anything and let him think what he wanted. There isn’t anything wrong with that, is there? True, you’d have to be blind to think Black Sabbath were black. I mean, c’mon. Still, it’s not like we’re rotten people or anything.”
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