1) Destructakor will be playing the Seventh Angelic Church, Oklahoma City, OK. Sunday at 11 am. The show’s free if you attend the mass that precedes it or if you swear off metal forever and put on a suit and tie and help Ol’ Lady Fargber with her groceries later that afternoon.

2) Jay-Z’s cousin, Ray-H, will be signing autograph’s at Phil’s Car Wash in New Paltz, NY. Sunday at 3. Free sponges and slop buckets with his logo on it for the first thirty people to show.

3) Kenneth Lay is STILL still alive and will be appearing in Gary, Indiana, at the Indiana Holiday Spectacular. Sunday at 5.

4) The Umpteenth Times will be celebrating its 423rd birthday this Sunday. On this day, November 29, in the year 1586, a simpler form of the internet, made of rocks and seaweed, helped founder, Barley Mugguineeuss, post the first satirical piece, mocking local performer, Jasper Juneas, who sang on the street, while juggling three tomatoes and a horse shoe. The story, entitled, Jasper Juneas Has the Plague, fouled everyone in town, causing a mass exodus, as well as Juneas’ crucifixion.

5) Bands that sell their CD’s exclusively at Wal-Mart blow!!!

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