SXSW Festival 2010 to be Held in Staten Island
AUSTIN—It was announced today that, due to the overwhelming amount of visitors and musicians that flock to Austin every March for the SXSW Festival and the city’s limited space in regards to venues and parking, next year’s festival will be held over a thousand miles away in the New York borough of Staten Island. Ctizens of Austin responded unfavorably, sparking a debate that will certainly keep city officials busy for the next several months.
“Listen,” instructed Mayor Will Wynn. “There’s no one more hurt than I am. My band (Trans Vagaga) has been playing ‘South by’ for the last three years. It’s the one time of year we actually get to perform for people. I will do everything in my power to keep the festival in Austin. Still, the people have to understand, ther are some things that are beyond my control.”
Festival organizers made the announcement earlier in the week, citing specific examples of overcrowded venues.
“We’ve already had incidents in which people have literally shot up into sky as a result of too many people in too small a space,” says Festival representative, Mark Sawsweeny, referring to Indiana resident, Hal Jacobs, and his hundred foot flight into the air after literally being squeezed out of Emo’s the previous night. “We can’t take chances like this anymore. This festival has spun completely out of control.”
Although, currently Staten Island does not have enough venues to hold the festival if it were to happen today, representatives of the borough ensure that they will be prepared come next March.
“We’ve got a lot of unused land here on Staten Island,” said City Councilman, Frank Schongiatti. “What once used to be New York City’s dumping ground can now be where the world convenes to discuss the future of music.”
Construction has already begun in many of the undeveloped areas that were once landfills. Overall, Staten Island representatives promise over one hundred freshly-built venues by next March, exceeding Austin’s eighty-eight that are currently housing over the1800 bands that are performing.
Still, there is one element to that particular section of Staten Island that may cause some hesitation from festival-goers: the stink.
“Hey,” says Councilman Schongiatti. “Thems are the breaks.”
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Sign me up! I’ve been having hardcore shows in my mom’s basement for three years now. I’m sure we could accommodate the Biohazard reunion or something.
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This is shit! It’s what justifies Austin to hold the title ‘Music Capital of the World.’ What will Austinites have to look forward to if there is no SXSW.
- Sad in Austin
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Relax. It’s only a joke.
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luckily this is fake!
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regardless of whether this is a fake, this is stupid!
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I think this is f***in’ funny! Good job!
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I am sure for the right price the promoters would be willing to move SXSoWhat. After all look at the lengths they go to to protect their investment; having the fire marshall and police goon squads search the city for non-SXSW parties and close them down for trumped up lack of an assembly permit. Heck, as far as I know only the promoters make any money at SXSW. From what I have heard the bands have to even pay to play, or at least a fee for applying. It is all just a big con game to make money for the promoters. Yes Austin is the music Kapital of the world, but only for the Kapitalists of the industry.
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Well, I for one am none too happy. I mean come on New York? How can you hold a festival called South by Southwest in the Northeast? If I was writing a satirical story about moving the festival I would have at least kept it in the South, or the West. But hey, what do I know I’m just a lonesome city in the middle of Texas. I hope that no one took you seriously. It’s my festival and it’s not going anywhere.
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Austin, I don’t think it would’ve been as funny if she kept it in the SOuth. I think that was the point of the story.
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I live in Austin as well and I love the festival. It’s all in good fun.
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The weird thing is: this is not too far off from what I’ll be doing in September–playing a set of original songs on top of a capped garbage mound at the Staten Island landfill. Seriously.
http://www.boxvox.net/2009/01/songs-about-packaging-at-fresh-kills-park.html
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Good luck, Randy. If I’m in New York in September, I’ll stop by for the big event. Sounds cool.
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Damn, if we could just send all the Austards and Ausholes clogging our roads up there too, this town might be liveable again.
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this is NOT funny !!!!!!!!!
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