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40-Year Old Dad Brings Home New Slayer CD, 15-Year Old Son Runs for Cover

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Coming home with his fists pumping in the air and his head banging like a machine, Mike Franchetti, 40, of New Brunswick, New Jersey, almost frightened his 15-year old son, Jerry, to death, when he began blasting the newly purchased Slayer CD on his car stereo, as he thrashed all over their front lawn like a lunatic. The younger Franchetti frightened by the sounds he heard quickly hide under his bed, where he closed his eyes tightly and clenched onto a teddy bear he hadn’t seen since he was eight.

“It sounded like people were being murdered and the devil had come to steal all of our souls,” said Jerry Franchetti. “I had never been so terrified in my entire life. I wanted to die, just to end the torture. I don’t know why my dad has to listen to music that’s so scary.”

Covering young Jerry’s walls at the time of the incident were posters of Taylor Swift, Keith Urban and Alicia Keys. His father, Mike, insists he blasted the new Slayer CD to expose his son to music “with more feeling in one note than those other clowns can put into an entire song.”

images“The problem is, my wife raised him on American Idol, so that was his first impression of music,” Frnachetti continued. “She used to tell me he was too young to hear bands like Slayer. ‘When he’s older,’ she would say. Well, now, he’s older and he’s going to get a dose of reality like never before.”

According to Franchetti’s wife, Michelle, she was always looking to protect her son from the frightening images projected in music created by bands like Slayer. She insists she always put her child’s psychological health first, above all else.

“It used to be kids listened to scary music to frighten their parents,” said Mrs. Franchetti. “Now it’s the parents frightening their children with scary music. It’s very confusing. My son just wants to listen to his own music in peace and quiet and Mike always blasts the most vicious bands possible. Jerry is too fragile for that kind of music.”

Still, Franchetti insists he’s doing his son a favor. “If that kid’s going to survive in this world, he’s going to have to face the honest brutality of it all one day. Slayer expresses the brutality of the world in its most honest form. Plain and simple. AND they fuckin’ kick ass. If Jerry listened to more Slayer and jumped around his room a little bit, he probably wouldn’t have to go see a shrink every week. There’s no better therapy in this world than Slayer. None.”

Despite complaints from neighbors and several visits from the local police, Franchetti can still been seen tearing up the grass on his lawn every other couple of days, while blasting World Painted Blood, the new Slayer CD. He told this reporter he “will keep thrashing until the day he dies.”

“That’s the only way I can live in this world,” he insisted. “The only way.”

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