Slayer and Stryper to Appear on New Fox Reality Show, “Singer Swap”

LOS ANGELES—It was announced this morning that both infamous heavy metal bands, Slayer and Stryper, will appear on a Fox reality show entitled, “Singer Swap,” a show based on the successful ABC show, “Wife Swap,” in which two couples completely unlike each other exchange wives for a week. A spokesperson for Fox said that both bands are excited about the prospect of performing with a new singer and all the trials and tribulations that come with that responsibility.

For those who don’t know the players, Slayer is one of the most all-time evil bands ever. Their records have contained such Satanic songs as “Altar of Sacrifice” and “Hell Awaits.” Stryper on the other hand have been known for their Christian approach to heavy metal music. Their records contained songs like “Soldiers Under Command” and “The Rock That Makes Me Roll,” which alludes to Christ as being a guiding force. When the two bands switch singers, it will literally be a battle of good verses evil, which ultimately is always good for television.

“This is going to be Fox’s biggest reality show yet,” claimed Gary Hucklebuck, Fox representative. “This is what people want to watch. It’s almost exactly like wrestling. You have evil characters and you have good characters and you make them duke it out until there’s a winner. This should prove to have ratings that will fly through the roof.”

According to Kerry King, guitarist, for Slayer, the band plans to “Show no mercy” towards Michael Sweet, singer for Stryper.

“We’re going to force evil down his goddamn throat. We’re going to make him feel pain like he’s never felt before. We’re going to get his wasted, laid and leave him on the side of the railroad tracks with nothing on but a leaf to cover his genitals. Of course, that’s after we allow all the wild animals to take bites out of him, giving him rabies and causing him to suffer greatly.”

Conversely, members of Stryper say they plan on taking Slayer singer, Tom Araya, to church, serve him a nice dinner in which they’ll say grace before eating and introduce him to their pastor, Rev. Harold Winklebeck.

Tom Araya, however, has entirely different plans for the members of Stryper. Araya told this reporter he plans to “make them feel pain like they’ve never felt before. I’m going to get them wasted, laid and leave them on the side of the railroad tracks with nothing on but leaves to cover their genitals. Of course, that’s after I allow all the wild animals to take bites out of them, giving them rabies and causing them to suffer greatly.”

Shooting of the show begins in a couple of weeks, to prepare, members of Stryper have been praying every day, asking God to provide the guidance they need to make it to the end of the program. Slayer, however, has been preparing by getting drunk, thrashing like their goddamn lunatics and beating up innocent civilians on the streets of Los Angeles that happen to walk in their path.

Airing for the show will begin in late November.

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Tags: Fox, Hell Awaits, Reality Show, Slayer, Soldiers Under Commond, Stryper

This entry was posted on Monday, October 26th, 2009 at 1:29 pm and is filed under Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.