M. Ward Provides Soundtrack for D**chebags Drinking Bud at Bars
LOS ANGELES—During the American League Championship Series, commercials have been airing on the Fox Network depicting knuckleheaded buffoons in a bar, communicating inanely to each other while drinking bottles of Budweiser beer. These pathetics images are sadly supported musically by singer/songwriter, M.Ward’s “Never Had Nobody Like You,” causing many fans to become disappointed with the singer, claiming he has “sold out.”
“Imagine what it’s like when you hear a song from one of your musical idols playing in a Budweiser commercial,” said Cindy Glibb of Kensington, Verment. “It’s like the day you found out Santa Claus is no longer real or the time you walked in on your father as he is having a homosexual love affair. Not that has happened to me or anything. I mean, my father’s not gay. No really. He’s not. Anyway…”
When reached for comment, M.Ward simply stated, “It’s my song. I can do what I want with it. They gave me a s**tload of money to use it. Now I can buy expensive cars and live in Beverly Hills, like I always wanted to. I’d be an idiot not to take it. I know my song has nothing to do with drinking beer and a bunch of nincompoops pontificating about the most ridiculous of subjects, but whatever. It’s just a song. Get over it.”
Still, fans have reacted feverishly by burning M.Ward CD’s in protest, as well as hundreds of bottles of Budweiser. According to protester, Gary Framlin, however, most of the bottles of beer were consumed by the protesters before the bottles were burned.
“We’re not stupid,” said Framlin. “We’re not going to waste beer. Besides, something like this should be a party. And what’s better than beer to get a party going?”
Representatives for Budweiser claim they are not bothered by the protest, insisting that either way, the Budweiser name is still in the limelight, regardless of whether it’s for negative reasons or positive reasons. They are just glad their name is still flowing from people’s lips.
“Ever since the Swedes bought out Budweiser, we were worried that Americans would forget about us and seek out a beer still owned by an American company,” said Frederick Hacklehack, Budweiser representative. “But with the help of M.Ward and those protesters, our beer still seems as American as apple pie. That’s all we ever wanted to do was to keep America blind to what’s really going on. Is that so bad?”
Hacklehack also claims that Budweiser will continue to run the commercial, at least a thousand more times during the ALCS, as well as the World Series, hoping to cram their contrived image down the throats of all the viewers just looking to watch some good games of baseball.
Again, play ball!
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