Bluegrass Music Now Known as ‘Crabgrass’ Music, Drought in Kentucky Cited as Cause
Blue Ridge Mountains, KY—Due to the very little rainfall that has come to the state of Kentucky this year, causing everything in the state to dry up as rapidly as a snowman in hell, the form of music once known as “bluegrass” is now officially called “crabgrass,” according to the Crabgrass Musical Foundation of Kentucky, formerly known as The Bluegrass Musical Foundation of Kentucky.
“We haven’t had any choice,” said Merle Granderson, 56. “We look around and all we see is crabgrass. I haven’t seen a healthy looking lawn all year. Our minds have been taken over by visions of dried up pieces of grass that offer no hope and represent nothing but a lifeless future. Artistically, our music has to represented that. That would be the honest thing to do. So a new form of music is born. Bluegrass is dead and Crabgrass is here!’
Opposition by bluegrass traditionalists has been plentiful. A peitition campaign has already been initiated over the internet in which the newly formed Society to Keep Bluegrass Bluegrass (S.K.B.B.) begs Kentuckians to contact their representatives to cement the traditional name into law.
“Bluegrass music has been around for over a hundred years,” said Bill Traverson, 57. “If we change the name of the genre, we’re going to have to change the songs we sing. They’re asking us to change what we’ve known all our lives.”
Traverson is correct about the songs that have been sung recently, at least in the sense that the Crabgrass Musical Foundation of Kentucky has already written new songs reflecting their new direction. The first titles of the newly founded genre are “Crabgrass Cabin Home,” “I’m Waiting to Mow the Lawn One Day, Darling” and “I’ll Never See a Healthy Lawn Again.”
Congresspeople and Senators representing the state of Kentucky have already returned to the state from Washington to preside over the two groups, helping to decide once and for all which direction the genre will turn. In fact, most will miss President Obama’s address to Congress tonight regarding the health care debate that has been troubling the country for the last few months. Apparently, the debate over “bluegrass” versus “crabgrass” is more important to the representatives of the state than the health of their constituents.
“True, the issues being fought over in Washington are crucial,” said congressperson Janet Rickles (R-Blue Ridge). “But the future of our culture is at stake, if this whole crabgrass thing isn’t settled once and for all. We’ve heard decent arguments from both sides. Now it’s time we get together and come up with some sort of compromise that will make everyone happy.”
Meanwhile, the Crabgrass Musical Foundation of Kentucky will hold their first official concert this afternoon around four P.M, one of the hottest times of the day. The performances will be held at Hanker’s Park, a park known for its dried up lawn and dusty fields. According to the Foundation, the show’s performers will be Dusty & the Hardgrounds, Thirsty McNeil and Crabby Collins & the Crabby Collins Crabgrass Jamboree. Tickets are free.
People who looked at this item also looked at…
Related items
loading...
