HOLLYWOOD—According to the producers of the upcoming, unnamed Jerry Garcia film, director, Amir Bar-Lev, has expressed a desire to create something very unqiue when he begins shooting the long-awaited biopic. His vision apparently will focus mainly on the arc that was Garcia’s life. Visually, he plans an honest reflection of how Garcia lived and...
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Friends, Thanks for supporting The Umpteenth Times over the last year and a half. It’s been with your support that the site has not only maintained its existence but grown in its readership. Today we’d like to announce the release of our first book, The Umpteenth Times: YEAR ONE. The Umpteenth Times: YEAR ONE...
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NEW YORK—After several years of research, musicologists from New York University have recently asserted their claim that famous twentieth-century composer and popular animated figure in the Berenstain Bears children’s books series, Leonard Berenstain, almost wrote exclusively in the Mxyzptlkian Mode, a musical mode that uses a scale created by Superman arch-nemesis, Mr. Mxyzptlk. According...
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Frank Gurbleck joined The Umpteenth Times writing staff directly after serving a seven-year prison sentence for attempting to smuggle contraband into the country. Gurbleck, to this day, insists he did not know that monkeys were considered contraband, otherwise he never would’ve jammed three of them into his suitcase on his trip back from Africa....
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AUSTIN—This past Friday night, singer/songwriter, Cody Dylan, bored a crowded Rusty’s Bar in the music district of Austin, by doing what he thought he did best, singing his songs. Unfortunately for Dylan, the Friday night crowd was in no mood for his mournful sad sack of songs that seemed limited in regards to the...
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FARLEY MOUNTAINS, KY—What some thought was merely a spat that started out in the early Eighties between two thrashers, has recently been discovered to be a century old feud between two families that still can not seem to get along. Deep in the hills of Kentucky, ancestors of Metallica singer, James Hetfield, and Megadeth...
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Like the previously introduced Carl Kuckle, Barry Blain has been a contributer to The Umpteenth Times since it first hit the world wide web. Unlike Carl, however, Barry lives a very regimented lifestyle, which includes six hours of yoga a day and two hours of meditation. The remainder of his day is spent writing,...
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MIAMI—After a long and drawn out decision process, in which many NBA teams were considered, including the New York Knicks and the Cleveland Cavaliers, superstar singer and NBA great, Etta James, ultimately announced she will be playing with the Miami Heat for an undisclosed figure that is sure to be beyond most of our...
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TRENTON, N.J.—Yesterday, in front of a group of unsuspecting customers, as a muzak version of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s classic “Who’ll Stop the Rain” was playing over the P.A., local Trenton grocer, Danny Jubczeck, shouted with the utmost conviction in the middle of his store that he, himself, will “stop the rain,” answering the question...
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Carl Kuckle has been with The Umpteenth Times since Day One. In fact, after much debate over what to name the site, Carl finally threw his cigar in the trash can (still lit), stood up on the table in front of his co-workers and screamed, “Listen, dummies! I didn’t leave Hustler magazine to work...
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