Stone Temple Pilots Stone Temple Pilots—I haven’t heard this recording and I don’t think I ever will. I never liked this band. They were a lame ripoff of Pearl Jam, who I also thought sucked, so why the hell should I bother with this crap? I wouldn’t. And neither should you. Sex and the...
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HOLLYWOOD—According to sources close to the show, actor and longtime game show guest, Jamie Farr, will be replacing Simon Cowell for the next season of American Idol. “The producers don’t feel as if Ellen is pulling her weight as a comedian,” said an unidentified employee at Fox. “In fact, they think she stinks. Bringing...
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BEDROCK—After almost fifty years of singing the song that made her a star, Pebbles Flintstone has announced she has sung “Let the Sun Shine In” for the very last time in her career. According to the forty-seven year old singer, there is very little sunshine in her life these days and she can no...
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By Kevin Egan I never really give a crap when celebrities pass away. I see no reason to waste my time grieving for people who no doubt think they’re better than us common folk. Still, when certain artists die, you sometimes do feel a loss because you feel a connection to their art. It...
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EDMOND, OK—After congratulating sixth-grader, Greyson Chance, on his outstanding rendition of her own song, “Paparazzi,” Lady Gaga offered the youngster a chance to take her place for the remainder of her U.S. tour. Apparently, her long touring schedule has left the singer exhausted. In return, Miss Gaga promised Chance and his parents that she...
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BLOOMINGTON, IN–After weeks of rumors and speculation, John Mellencamp came forward yesterday to admit that he has indeed developed an allergy to wheat. “This is really embarrassing,” said Mellencamp, scratching at the aggravating rash on his forearms. “And a bit inconvenient considering our surroundings. I feel a little like Davy Crockett at the Alamo.”...
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BROOKLYN, NY—Drawing blank stares from passerbys on the street, a young Bruce Springsteeen, the one that sang on early albums like Greetings from Asbury Park and Born to Run, stormed through the streets of Williamsburg today looking for Craig Finn, vocalist for the band, The Hold Steady. The young Springsteen was enraged over the...
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WASHINGTON—This afternoon, President Barack Obama met with reporters on the White House driveway to announce his revisions to a recent American tradition, the Axis of Evil. “These people must be stopped at all costs!” he exclaimed with confidence. “We’ve made progress against Al Queda, our diplomatic pressure on North Korea is producing results and...
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NASHVILLE—Earlier today, when asked when he was going to return to the band that made him famous, the White Stripes, Jack White told a group of reporters that he has one more project he’d like to pursue before continuing what he started with ex-wife, Meg White. “Truthfully, I don’t know what that project is...
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LONDON–Recently, Coldplay have taken a page out of their corporate masters’ book by pursuing the aggressive acquisition of indie rock band, The Arcade Fire. With the unprecedented maneuver, Coldplay sought to corner the market on earnest and expressive rock music that currently appeals to wide audiences. The attempted hostile takeover has left The Arcade...
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