HOLLYWOOD—According to sources close to the show, actor and longtime game show guest, Jamie Farr, will be replacing Simon Cowell for the next season of American Idol. “The producers don’t feel as if Ellen is pulling her weight as a comedian,” said an unidentified employee at Fox. “In fact, they think she stinks. Bringing...
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PHOENIX—After visiting longtime friends in the suburbs of Phoenix, AZ, the ghost of Tito Puente found himself in an awful position yesterday when police officers insisted he provide proof of American citizenship. According to witnesses, the ghost of Puente was flying in the sky above the city, when a police helicopter motioned to him...
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NEW YORK, NEW YORK—According to a former busboy at Jerry’s on 61st Street in Manhattan, the ghost of Frank Sinatra, along with the ghosts of two old friends, Jimmy the Shoe and Bobby Two Necks, apparently have a late dinner and drinks inside the restaurant every night after the staff is gone. The source,...
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NEW YORK, NY— Filling up the waiting room with big metal hair, ripped blue jeans and giant sneakers, members of the metal band, Anthrax, frightened many of the other patients as they entered the Manhattan Medical Center of Manhattan over the weekend, looking to get vaccinated for the H1N1 virus. After surprising Dr. Phillip...
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DANBURY, CT—This past Tuesday, Barry Hundleman, 43, who had lost his sight as a young child, finally regained the ability to see after a successful operation at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Danbury, Connecticut. Hundleman’s first request, after looking into the faces of friends and relatives, was to watch a Black Sabbath DVD he’s had...
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1) Destructakor will be playing the Seventh Angelic Church, Oklahoma City, OK. Sunday at 11 am. The show’s free if you attend the mass that precedes it or if you swear off metal forever and put on a suit and tie and help Ol’ Lady Fargber with her groceries later that afternoon. 2) Jay-Z’s...
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Check the side bar on the front page for ‘how to.’ It’s quick and easy! zoinks! editor People who looked at this item also looked at… Scorpions to Rock You Like a Small Gust of Wind Lil Wayne to Star in Li’l Abner Film, Set for 2010 Release Kiss Helps Wal-Mart Break Up Union...
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Here’s how: 1) Email five friends and tell them about theumpteenthtimes.com. Then ask them to email five friends who will email five of their friends. 2) Tweet your favorite posts so your friends, co-workers, bandmates and drinking buddies can read them. Just look for the “Tweet” logo at the bottom of each post. 3)...
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Ozzy or Dio? Answer in the comment section below (Don’t worry about typing in your email. It’s only to prevent spam. It won’t be used in any villainous way). People who looked at this item also looked at… NO SERIOUSLY: The Beastie Boys vs. David Lee Roth, the Toughest Decision I Ever Had to...
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Would you still think “Don’t You Forget About Me” was a great song, even if it didn’t appear in the Breakfast Club? Answer in the comment section. People who looked at this item also looked at… Question of the Day… Monsters of Folk Leave Monster-Sized Turds All Across United States NO SERIOUSLY:...
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